Impostor syndrome
Originally released on Songs on the Eve of Dismissal (2017), now re-recorded for Time to Disappear, on its way to release this fall.
The self-doubt track, and the quietest kind of dread on the EP: no boss, no memo, just a voice telling herself she’s a fake before anyone else gets the chance to. “I am fake, a cheat, a fraud,” she sings, the kind of inferiority complex that takes over the moment you sense you’re being squeezed out of a job you were never quite sure you deserved in the first place. Huijbens’ guitar carries the story underneath her, quiet, insistent; Van der Vlugt answers on alto sax, rising, lyrical, doing everything a good friend would do to talk her down. It doesn’t work. The saxophone keeps reaching, she keeps declining, and the comfort loops back on itself, offered and refused, again and again, without resolution.
Impostor syndrome
Still here, still in
what do they know?
still barely functioning at all
without a clue
I decide what to do
no plan no skill no how
A fake a cheat a fraud I am a fake a cheat a fraud
Deception cannot last still
my star is rising fast
I am a fake a cheat a fraud
no plan no skill no how
still here I live my role
What do they know? what do they know? what do they know?
Lyrics: Bastiaan Geleijnse
‘A gospel for those consigned to cubicle life, Chris Abelen’s album captures the angst and ennui of the career office employee.’
– Band Camp Jazz Pick
Vocals: Linda Ropa
Trumpet: Angelo Verploegen
Alto Saxophone: Floris van der Vlugt (solo)
Trombone: Chris Abelen
Bass Clarinet: Tini Thomsen
Guitar: Thijs Huybens
Double Bass: Ulrich Wentzlaff-Eggebert
Percussion: Yonga Sun
Lyrics: Bastiaan Geleijnse
Recording: Wedgeview Studios, except vocals, trombone & baritone sax, recorded ‘at home’.
Music, editing, mixing, mastering & production: Chris Abelen
Cover photo: Interior Lens
Amsterdam/Netherlands